The long days and wasted nights lost in study are gone, now. Yet the suffering of their passage is replaced by the pain of new life.
There is something self indulgent in applying for a job, getting the interview. To be recognized and rewarded for ones qualities and accomplishments, rather than called a braggart. The pursuit of employment gives one the excuse to detail ones life; ones sellable life. What one is willing to put a price on demonstrates how much of oneself can be given away. How much can be sold. What value then, is there in the human body(?). What value is there in the ‘self’(?).
When walking around the top of an abyss, or crossing a deep stream on a plank, we need a railing, not to hold on to (for it would collapse with us at once), but rather to achieve the visual image of security. Likewise, when we are young, we need people who unconsciously offer us the service of that railing; it is true that they would not help us if we really were in great danger and wanted to lean on them; but they give us the comforting sensation of protection nearby (for example, fathers, teachers, friends, as we generally know all three).
—Friedrich Nietzsche in Human, All Too Human, Part I, Section Nine (via thedailynietzsche)
In so many ways, that’s how you write a novel. You plan and research. You spend time alone, building this lovely world where you control, control, control everything. You let the telephone ring. The emails pile up. You stay in your story world until you destroy it. Then you come back to be with other people.
If your story world sells well enough, you get to go on book tour. Do interviews. Really be with people. A lot of people. People, until you’re sick of people. Until you crave the idea of escaping,
getting away to a…
To another lovely story world.
And so it goes.
—Chuck Palahniuk, Stranger Than Fiction, Introduction. (via iwritetoright)
Sometimes things die, and they don’t grow anymore.
To live on the edge of death is to know, to feel, a constant horror, a constant pain, in living. Yet on the cusp of one’s end, a great portal opens the mind and one’s soul to that Great Ocean beyond sight. It is for new eyes that man must change, must evolve, must endure.
Could you live your life without that perfect moment, in which time seemed to stop(?). No, a sense of wonder, of amazement, is required still of life.
I cannot be what I want to be, so I must re-create myself, and in that reflect outwardly, reflecting this new ‘me’.
Only those who keep changing remain close to me”.
I love man, for in humanity I see the want of perfection in all life.
It is the deepest intimation of one’s soul, when connectivity between beings become as one. All of us are searching in our own way; individuals seek out “otherness”, creating a sense wholeness in oneself. This is the communion of bodies, of minds, of souls. Oneness with the “other” is what sets man apart. To know life as such, is to know the vagary and joy of experiencing existence in the human sense.
As two individuals come together, a third party, a new “whole”, is constituted. As man is but aggregates of one’s environment, so too does humanity seek out “otherness” in the individual apart from one’s own sense of individuality. The reflective sense of “being there”, the unique state of man, finds confirmation and new expanses in the conceptual recognition of “other” beings. This can be as much for protection as the implied sense of comfort, attached as it is to the intense fear of being alone.
To be alone, is to know great pains of body and soul; this is the difficulty of causal existence. A thinking thing such as man learns, and knows the aching pain of being un-complete, alone. One’s understanding of individuality and individuals tend toward the divine in this regard , in making sense of oneself in relation to physicality; to be blinded in this way is to accept philosophical suicide. It is this which draws one towards separate beings, this sense of being alone; the need of connection, of complimentation. Derived from one’s sense of affirmation in otherness, oneself finds its enlightenment in the “I” which is not one’s ‘self’.
The greatest “love”, is among those who give up more of themselves in order to complete a new “whole”, in which one’s individuality is incorporated. Through incorporation, one is consequently changed in turn. Thus, should this new “whole’ be disrupted and made to dissipate, the constitutive beings involved and their sense of ‘self’ are made to dissipate in turn. This disruption brings terrible havoc upon oneself, yet remains a facet of one’s being.
Those who breathe too much of themselves, their life, into this new whole, find in their loss a great sense of failure. This is the greatest “love”, to be empty of what one was; knowing the immensity of true loss. This is the loss of ‘self’, what, who, one is. Yet in the absence of what was, one may find new body in destruction. One must sometimes destroy, in order to create. Through the birth and death of love, one may find the medium of new life in oneself.
One’s connection and deeper sense of this sentiment breeds complimentation with otherness; complimentation itself, and the want of having what was or should be; a completeness of ‘self’. To be whole in body through a wholeness in one’s ‘self’. This is so often the crutch of religion, where the otherness of man is dismissed through one’s connectivity with the divine; a complete and all consuming wholeness, whereby no “other” can intrude. But it is openness of body and intrusion of otherness, which is sought after by one’s ‘self. It is this same sense which develops an individual into a unique being. This is the joy of ‘complimentation’; cast in colors of every hue, where otherwise one languished in muted blacks and shades of grey, beset on all sides by terrible voids of emptiness.
More than simply touch or closeness, this connectivity with another being grants succor to one’s ‘self’, through the giving up of one’s sense of individual ‘self’. One’s sense of oneself, and the internal constitution of one’s ‘self’, is connected to oneself in this fashion; the wholeness of being that all individuals crave unknowingly. This is the prerequisite of enlightenment; of whole ‘being’.
The great disappointment, man’s folly in accepting lies of the physical, blind humanity to the knowledge and wonder surrounding the body and one’s ‘self’. Man is made to reject the body, worshiping divinity through fear of death. One is left with enduring disillusionment through failure in this sense. One is left to wait for rapture, that never comes.
In this sense, the connection with the third body is a connection with the other, as this inter-connection with the external constitution of another ‘self’ is but the recognition of the other and oneself through another’s eyes. One’s sense of connectivity with another’s soul is an inter-penetration; a duality of give and take. This is the most evident sense of “other” and ‘self’ aside from extreme proximity of physical constitution; one’s body, the physicality of ‘gehirn’. To be born on wings of ecstasy to the heights of joint wholeness with another, is to know the pleasures of the body in the knowledge of the soul. One’s “going under”, is realized as the veil of falsehood which robed man of sight, the recognition of the soul in bodily connection. ‘Geist’, the faculty of the ‘self’, remains forever persistent beyond space and time. What mere moments man possesses in communion with the soul, must not be kept from oneself. To feel the vastness of “other realms” pressing in on oneself in this way is to know of absolute transcendence; the briefness of life and the infinite treasures of physicality. Recognizing this is bound in the communion of the body, the connectivity with the other.
This is a reciprocal concept, in which one recognizes the other and oneself through this interaction, the same exchange being mirrored in the other. By yet reaching this state of intense inter-connectivity, one is more clearly and recognizably embodying the complementation of two individual beings in order to bring one’s sense of ‘self’ in the closest possible contact with another ‘self’; in so doing does one reach closer to the divine, and granting this self-same conceptual state to the “other” in turn.
The ritual of bodily connectivity has always been possible through the alter of the body; the cage of blood and bone. Man has been able to transcend in this fashion; a transience of ‘geist’ beyond the physicality of ‘gehirn’.
One’s being in the world is complicated by the whole of human development, distraught as man is by the idle restlessness of fixity. To know change is to be un-fixed. To be alone is to know stagnancy. The varying casts of humanity’s nature drives man to suffer in this regard, confined and misunderstood in human culture. This is the production of the human condition; the bearing of natural inclinations in the monstrosity of man’s ever growing constructs. To continually mistake the consequences of being un-loved(to be alone) is dire to the ‘self’ and oneself, promising the hurt of others in turn. Being alone, is to turn so often to ‘self’-destruction.
Taking part in this evolution of the ‘self’ is but one joy of life, sharing oneself with another on a deeply intimate level. One’s sense of limited being is forever hefted upon the altar of chaos; of unreality. The soul(‘geist’), the continuance and eternity of ‘self’ persists beyond oneself, returning to the incandescent wonders of its origin. This is the struggle of life, to live and die as one with the soul; ‘aching to be free’ yet always recurring.
The world in which man can embrace our physicality is assailed by various falsehoods, that which is anathema to life; things inimical to the human being and its ability to truly live. This must be un-made, in order for man to transcend the body, and realize the greatest sense of ‘self’ in otherness. This is but one part of the re-genesis of humanity, through which ‘Dasein’ shall guide in ‘persistence’, all that is man.
There is a sense of wholeness, of being reflected in the eyes of another, which speaks to the soul, thereby arresting oneself in the physical; in the body. One’s intensity of understanding of one’s ‘self’ may be understood in this way. This is part of “being there”; this is part of ‘Dasein’.
Resplendent in our form, we only glimpse the heavens in the eyes of joy.